Mom: Chill. Leave Me Alone!

It’s always fun and a light moment sitting with my adult kids talking about my unique and sometimes annoying parenting skills when they were in their teens. It feels good to laugh and get nostalgic about their childhood memories; fun, comfortable, crazy and few emotional.

Did I hound them like the paparazzi? You bet I did!

I’m grateful for those earlier years when they were babies and behaved their age. I would see them 24×7, and happy under the delusion that I know them from the inside out.

They started off as adorable babies and every time I blinked; they kept growing. It was too late to freeze because by then, I was staring at my genetically created aliens with their raging hormones who called themselves ‘The Teens’. They invaded my life for the next few years and were nice to everyone who wasn’t me.

I didn’t see this coming. You won’t either until it hits you!

Anxiety was my cardio and learned to take one panic attack at a time. The ‘chill pill’ didn’t help, and it left me grappling with being a strict or lenient parent and sometimes struggling with being in between. I didn’t have a manual to refer to, so relied on what I thought was best at that point in time. I failed to recognize certain teen norms and so would sweat the small stuff when I needed to step back. Other times, I was trying to avoid conflict worrying they will push me back.

Conflict was inevitable, but it was made worse because they had an inherent sense of all my weaknesses, which was frightening. On the brighter side, it was a joy ride, very insightful, and learned to listen and open the lines of communication.

There were days I’ve tried to figure out parenting over very many glasses of wine, but it only got worse. With a headache on the horizon and short of developing ulcers, I decided it was time to utter the most dreaded, “You’re Grounded.” Felt good to say because I didn’t have to deal with issues for some time while they sulked and I had time to plan my next move.

That was wishful thinking. In the blink of an eye, they re-appeared before me sobbing and rambling that “I failed to understand them”, “I wasn’t listening” and so on and so forth. To make matters worse, they would say, “my friend’s parents didn’t impose any curfew”, and that “I was unfair because I didn’t apply the same grounding principle with my other child.” It was time to regain control and avoid being taken on a ‘guilt trip.’  I would sit upright, maintain a poker face and magically, that did it!

The house is then quiet, the silence deafening, and I brace myself. My pet dog howls, and it’s the calm before the storm. The bedroom door opens, the tsunami gushes in and altercations on the rise. Before you can say anything, the door shuts bang, the house shakes, the door frame cracks and the storm passes. What just hit me?

I gather my thoughts and try not to stomp into their room. I knock and say, “we need to talk”. Hmm, I see eyes rolling and expressions like I’ve never seen before. When it’s confession time, it was always three sides to the story; mine, theirs and the truth.

I’ve bullied them about tidying their rooms and cupboards, and their excuses would leave me snarling. Open the cupboard and I am drowned in a pile of smelly clothes leaving me gasping for breath. When they agreed to clean their rooms, we are left with just a shell and basic furniture. Looked closer and I would find books, magazines, cosmetics, hairbrushes, clothes, coffee mug, water glasses and everything else that you might imagine either under the bed, inside their cupboards and few vanished without a trace.

The creepiest one is when I am falling asleep and I hear their door creak and footsteps outside my door. I’m now thinking whether to rush out and confront them or wait to see what happens. When I take that bold step, it’s all quiet and pitch dark. Whatever was happening is done with and I’m left to imagine stuff and lose my sleep over it. Phew!

I never understood how conveniently their mobile batteries died on them when out partying, when they had a curfew. They are incognito until they return home, when you woke up to go to work. If only looks could kill!

Holidays with my teenage kids were fun as long as I packed ‘sense of humor’ along. It was next to impossible to entertain everyone’s likes and dislikes in one package. I ended up with one sulking and the other having fun and me exhausted and stressed entertaining both.

I’ve enjoyed the short-lived moments when they snitch on each other. I think I’ve got them this time, but before I’m able to come out in all fury, they’ve patched up and ready to gang up on me. I give up!

Trying to be creative when lecturing was never my forte. I can’t stop smiling thinking of the most absurd things that I would rattle: Money doesn’t grow on trees, If you wish to be treated like an adult behave like one, Who is the adult here, you or me, You are blessed to have everything, Force them to come and say hello to all my friends, Do you want me to turn the car around right now, How can you sleep until noon, you’ve lost the entire day, You have “too many friends” and judging who was right and wrong for them and the list is never ending. The best for last; You’ll understand when you are a parent and I hope you have one just like you.

What was I thinking? I should have shut up before they retaliated in full force of all the things that I did or did not do with or for them. Mom, you always think you know best!

That’s the last straw for me and now, I’m officially done and I tell them, “If you want me, come and find me!”

I’ve had my share of being personally victimized as well with awkward situations when they nudge me threatening to tell my guests what I was saying behind their backs.

We survived and my kids have turned out independent, pursuing their dreams and goals and developed a great attitude and approach to life.

Would I have done things differently? Most definitely yes and sorry for not having known better.