Detached Attachment

On a bright sunny morning, I awoke with a slew of emotions, including remorse, anger, unhappiness, anxiety, and annoyance. This sudden surge threw me into a tailspin. These emotions have been building up for some time, triggered by my own thoughts, perceptions, and actions.

I am a social being who thrives in the company of friends, family and loved ones. However, I may have overestimated their contribution to my sense of “happiness” and “being.” With all of my efforts to nurture and sustain this apparent source of happiness and security, I believed this bond would last forever.

I continued to build castles on shifting sands until my anguish reached new heights. I became entangled in my web of delusion when the idealized versions of my expectations versus reality did not match. My inability to manage my expectations resulted in disappointment and a great deal of stress. It took some time for me to figure out what was causing these negative emotions that could be overwhelming.

I will not be too critical of myself. It was natural for me to believe that in order to identify with who and what I was, I needed to form a “secure attachment” with my friends, family and loved ones. I mistook them for extensions of myself!

I had to detach in order to enjoy my true self from within rather than from outside sources.

That’s when I realized what “Detached Attachment” meant. Attachment and detachment are two opposing but inextricably linked emotions that have many facets and connections. It is a difficult skill to master that requires more mental development than physical reality. It brings balance and harmony to everyone’s benefit.

The first step was to learn to recognize and acknowledge my feelings and events in order to avoid being caught off guard by negative emotions, and then to explore and manage them. Besides instilling compassion in my life and allowing myself to prioritize and focus on self-care.

I altered my entire thought process and learned to live in the present moment. My needs are not the responsibility of others. I make and accept responsibility for my choices and decisions, and I recognize we do not all share the same life beliefs and aspirations. Indeed, a much healthier way of relating to others!

I avoid tense situations and refuse to be a part of the drama. I’m still there, but all I do is observe and listen without passing judgement or offering criticism. I’m not less emotional or compassionate; on the contrary, quite the opposite.

From a position of stability and empowerment, this reflective process of compassion and detached attachment enables me to provide support while avoiding needless emotions. Despite all odds, this has enabled me to better cope with difficult times without fear or regret. I no longer feel compelled to ignore my own needs and desires in order to please others. The few external factors in my life that contribute to my happiness are a bonus.

To quote Mahatma Gandhi, “Detachment doesn’t mean indifference. It is the prerequisite for effective involvement.”