Parenting Adult Children

Once a parent, always a parent! The dynamics of authority shift when the children reach the ages of 20 and 25.

The tables turn, and parents retire as “Caregivers,” entering the unchartered territory of “Parenting Adult Children.”

Children are a perpetual wonder for parents. All the nurturing, undying love for their innocence and cuteness, dealing with the stress of toddler tantrums, diaper changing, sleepless nights, chauffeuring, and dodging their raging teen hormones have all come to an end. One morning you wake up and see these adult beings who are miniature versions of yourself.

Where were they hiding? It feels like yesterday when these little bundles came into our lives, and now it’s time for them to venture out, leaving their footprints.

Our children have grown to be independent adults, and they are no longer ours to keep. The entire relationship changes, which requires learning new skills to avoid crossing the line between parenting and interfering in their lives.

How do we stop treating them like the children they are no longer? How do we let go? 

Our emotional investment in the children, hard-wired to protect them and constantly challenged to let go, makes it difficult to see the situation objectively.

As harsh as it may sound, their lives no longer revolve around us as they once did. Children have their own lives, which may take precedence over their parents’ lives. It’s not that we’re less priority, so don’t pass the weight of our grief on them. The sense of loss, security, and comfort that comes with not having the children around is natural, but we will adjust to not being an involved parent.

We may not always agree with their life decisions, but we must remain supportive, sensitive, and honest in our communication. Avoid offering unsolicited advice, act as a sounding board when they aren’t looking for it, and be available if they need to talk.

Accept them for who they are and how they want to live their lives. Allow them to learn from their mistakes and let go of our expectations of them while never losing faith in their abilities and assuring them that they always have a home to return to whenever they need to.

Strive to be aware when overthinking and obsessing about how they are doing, where they are, if they miss us, or anything that causes unnecessary intense emotions. This is tough to navigate.

Learn to respond to these troubling thoughts by focusing on the positive aspects. Pat yourself on the back for making their transition into adulthood so much easier by instilling great values in them, inculcating positive habits, and assisting them in developing a plethora of other skills that will help them be self-sufficient.

We’ve missed out on a few things along the way, haven’t we? They’ll figure it out as they go, so don’t worry.

I’m sure most of us would agree that parenting is challenging and has driven us insane on more than one occasion, but we have managed to triumph over feelings of frustration, anxiety, and despair.

More than that, how terrifying is the prospect of the child never leaving home, not just for us, but for the child as well? Let’s not even go there because it would require an entirely new set of parenting skills.

Do you believe you’ve reached the end of your parenting journey? Think again! It won’t happen until you’re six feet beneath the ground. Parenting is a lifelong commitment.

How do we thrive in an ’empty nest?’ Life does not come to a standstill because the children have left home. So, break free from your routine and rediscover everything you’ve been putting off for years.

Do you miss the children? Text a friendly hello! They will pick up on the subtle message and call. I’m sure we have creative ways to get their attention. Use them wisely, or you’ll be crying wolf and waiting a long time to hear from the children!

To quote Denis Waitley – “The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”