A Candid Conversation with my 80-year-old Self

Watching my loved ones and the parents of my friend’s age has been a humbling experience. Their pursuit of dignity, self-determination, and independence is deeply meaningful.

As I grow older, I am determined to maintain my independence and not be perceived as vulnerable. However, aging is subtle and will involve changes in family dynamics, emotional complexities, the interdependence of roles, and caregiving responsibilities. Knowing that my children will be there to support and guide me through my journey, gives me a sense of security and comfort. The most challenging will probably be the sudden shift from being a parent to being parented.

I often wonder what life will be like for me 15-20 years from now.

Would it not be amazing if I could time travel and meet with my 80-year-old self? I close my eyes and I allow my thoughts to wander freely.

 Just then, I hear a faint knock on the door. I open it and I see a frail, elderly woman with wispy white hair and delicate features. She glides right in, looks around, and sits down in the far corner of the sofa.

My heart starts pounding and my thoughts race as I try to process what is happening. She then says, tapping on the space next to her, “Come sit here.”

I hesitate, unsure of what to do next. I cautiously walk towards the sofa and sit a little distance away from her.

“You are my younger self,” she says, her voice breaking the silence. Enjoy life now because some things can become difficult with time. Oops! I did not see that coming. Great start to our conversation.

She then goes on to explain that as I age, my body and mind will start to slow down, and daily tasks may take longer. She advises me that I take the time and space I need to do things at my own pace. This will help me maintain my confidence and self-esteem.

She sits upright and wraps her shawl tighter as if to embrace everything around her. She looks at me and she gives me a tender and reassuring smile, radiating warmth and kindness. She says, “Your life has given you a sense of purpose and social connections.”  Share these cherished moments and significant milestones with the children, friends, and loved ones because this will reinforce your sense of worth and fill you with a sense of pride.

She leans forward and looks deep into my eyes. I feel as if I am in a trance. She whispers, “I see your emotional turmoil and wanting to hold on to your independence.” Welcome the children’s well-intentioned suggestions, and continue to express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears with them. They will help you take small steps to make it easier to accept changes.

May I have a cup of tea? Or even better, let us celebrate our meeting with a single malt, she says. I laugh and feel more relaxed.

As we raise our glasses, she toasts to being happy that I thought of her sooner rather than later because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

We chatted about the good times, our hobbies and interests, friendships, family, health, favourite restaurants, travel, books, my blog, and so much more. We cried, we laughed and discussed past issues that we have not addressed or dared to deal with. Her eyes welled up and she said, “Let bygones be bygones.” She reminded me that there is so much more to appreciate and enjoy in life going forward.

As I stand up to refill our glasses, she takes hold of my hand and says, “I am grateful that we met now before we forget each other.” While occasional memory lapses may be normal, if there is a more serious issue, there is nothing either of us can do. If you experience moments of panic and confusion as your memory fades, do not worry. Our children are here with us, and that is all that we need.

After a couple of single malts, I mustered up the courage to ask her where she was currently living. Her response was simply, “Am I not here with you, in our home?”

Encouraged by her response, I quickly posed my next question. Would you be open to in-home care assistance or moving into a Retirement Home or Assisted Living? She paused for a moment and said, I would first explore the option of renovating our home to ensure safety, accessibility, and comfort. If that is not feasible, I would like to have a say in my future living arrangements. This will help ease my transition and give me a sense of control over my life.

She rests her glass down on the table, stands up, and props herself in front of me. Don’t you want to know if I will consider moving in with one of the children? She sighs, and says, “I am not sure.” That is a difficult decision to make. This discussion has been an ongoing debate. The children understand our fear of becoming a burden and disrupting family dynamics. They know what this home means to us and to be surrounded by memories that keep us alive.

As she slowly walked towards the door, I held her tight begging her not to go. She turned to me and said, “You have many more happy years to live.” Be kind to yourself and find happiness in everything you do.

I asked her, “Will you come visit me again?” She does not respond. With a gentle push, she opens the door and gracefully walks away. She leaves behind her soothing voice that lingers in my mind, telling me that she will be back someday.

As I opened my eyes, two empty whiskey glasses glinted in the morning light, drawing my attention. The air is heavy with a lingering sense of magic and possibility. She left me with a renewed sense of self-worth and optimism, reminding me that I matter!

I miss her already. She knows me like no other!