Does Time Heal All Wounds?

I often hear the phrase “Time heals all wounds.” 

People use this phrase when comforting someone who is grieving or going through a difficult phase. It could be when grieving the loss of a loved one, going through a tough breakup, coping with a traumatic event, adapting to a major life change, or other emotionally challenging situations.

This phrase is first attributed to the Greek poet Menander, around 300 B.C., who said ‘Time is the healer of all necessary evils.’

“Time heals all wounds,” is a comforting statement, but I believe that this may not be true for everyone.

The severity of an emotional wound can impact how long it takes to heal, and in some cases, wounds may never fully heal even with time.

While time can help ease the pain, it does not guarantee that the effects of these wounds will disappear.

Past events can resurface in the present when triggered by certain events or memories.

We all face challenges and situations that may not have clear solutions.

In highly emotional situations, my mind revisits past experiences, bringing up memories, emotions, and lessons that have been forgotten. This awakens the pain and trauma that has been buried in my subconscious mind.

For me, it often involves fixating on the situation for days or weeks, replaying the event, and grappling with a multitude of questions: why did it happen, how could it have happened, why me or my loved ones, what if I had done something differently, will I ever be able to move on from this, and how did my behaviour contribute to this situation?

Navigating through these thought-provoking questions can be overwhelming and triggers fear and anxiety about reliving past experiences and also experiencing something similar again. It feels like a flashback, causing an emotional flooding ranging from anger, frustration, sadness, denial, scare, guilt, and grief.

It is not just about the past incident itself, but the emotions I felt during those moments.

It can feel like navigating through a storm – turbulent and intense.

Although the wounds may have scabbed over, the emotional scars they leave behind can still resurface with even the slightest triggers.

My scars have a story to tell, some fading over time while others remain raw and etched in my memory.  Some of these scars are tales of resilience that help keep me grounded and give me clarity and direction. They remind me not to cloud my perception or sway my decisions.

Healing is not about erasing my past, but rather acknowledging and accepting what has happened, processing and working through my emotions, and regaining my sense of emotional balance.

While we all have our own unique experiences, my personal experiences have become an integral part of who I am today and are deeply ingrained in me.

We all need our space, the time to adapt and find ways to cope. Everyone processes emotions differently.

While the phrase “Time heals all wounds,” is often well-intentioned, it can come across as dismissive and insensitive when someone is in the raw phase of grief.

Finding the right words to comfort someone who is going through a difficult moment can be challenging. However, let us be mindful and refrain from giving unsolicited advice, assuming that time will lessen their suffering, or even trying to control their actions.

Instead, try expressing support by lending a listening ear or asking if there is anything you can do to help. Let us not impose on them. Let us respect their need for time and space to process their thoughts and emotions.

I was reminded of this when I visited a friend who was going through a relationship break-up. We made plans to meet at her house on a specific day and time. Upon my arrival, the doorbell rang and five of her friends stormed in. They bombarded her in a flurry of hugs and kisses, almost knocking her over.

The group was loud, and attention-seeking, completely disregarding my friend’s emotional state. A couple of them chimed in, “Time heals all wounds. You just need to give it some time.”

This only caused my friend to sigh and stutter, “What do you mean by heal and how much time is some time exactly?”

The room fell into pin-drop silence.

What is time’s actual role in healing?

Although time can passively aid in healing, it is ultimately our actions during that time that matter most. Time provides us the opportunity to process our pain and transform it into resilience, wisdom, and hope.

I believe that by taking the time to unlearn old patterns, making positive personal choices, seeking support, and creating space for emotional expression, our memories can become less painful. Often, it is a painful journey of self-discovery.

Over time, the scars from wounds may fade, but they often leave a lingering ache.