Friends for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime

We often hear people say, “I am blessed to have friends who still choose to be seen with me in public.” I have a bunch of them too, provided I sit through a lecture on ‘behaviour’ and ‘how to recognize silent warnings.’ It’s a pointless exercise and many a time backfire.

They communicate with goofy facial expressions and eyes popping out of their heads when they want me to ‘zip it.’ This could be dangerous because they also grow a pair of horns. I look right and left for an escape route, only to see even more weirder faces staring back at me across tables. Are we having a ‘funny face’ competition? I lock eyes with my friends and in an instance, we burst out laughing like hyenas, feet stomping and hands banging on the table. What do I say? I’m privileged to have a bunch of crazy and messed-up friends.

What! You too?

For the ones who don’t, train them because they make the best memories! A word of caution, they might play blind, deaf and dumb in certain situations, but end of the day, they have your back.

We are partners in crime and a challenged bunch where friendship transcends every level of embarrassment. The secret codes we share, nicknames for people, funny phrases rubbing off on each other, discussing family dramas, choosing causes to volunteer which are meaningful and fun, co-hosting dinner parties, when someone tells me ‘Don’t tell a soul’, my friends don’t count, and more. Other times, we spend hours analyzing a sensitive topic for different perspectives followed by conference calls to close the issue. Such friends come along only once in a lifetime.

The journey of friendship during different stages of life is priceless. The investment made with friends enriches life at every stage.

To me, friendship is fragile and unique. Friends change and drift through transitions in life. This gradual progression starts from childhood, school, college, different cities, jobs, family, etc. Not all my friends of the past years are in my inner circle anymore. I see a decline as I get older.

During my early childhood, I had ready-made peer groups in terms of cousins, neighbours and my siblings. Secondary/higher school and college were a struggle and challenge trying to find my identity and fit in with friends who were like me. I placed a high value on emotional closeness. As I moved on, the group got diverse depending on my social and professional life. I experienced novel approaches to friendship at every stage of my life.

In my 20s and 30s, friendships were a central part of my life and invested a lot of time, energy and resource to maintain the relationships. As time went by, I questioned my motivation, connection, and value of these friendships and learned how to choose to enter them.

I share a sense of loyalty and commitment to a handful of friends I refer to as my ‘best friends’. They have been a part of my life for over 30+ years and a few others more recent. They are my source of inspiration, celebration, and my companion. I know they are here to stay friends for life given the trust, acceptance, shared understanding of our connection, and respect for the unspoken rules. We enjoy the freedom to be independent and the freedom to be dependent.

I haven’t abandoned “friends” I’ve accumulated over the years. I continue to engage and maintain a relationship with most of them. Thanks to technology. When we connect, we look back upon the good old days, endless laughter, and share our experiences. The feeling is nostalgic, brings great joy, and I hang-up with a smile on my face to last me through the day.

I’m reminded of a cute friendship quote that says, “We’ll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we will be New Friends.”

Cheers, my friends!