My Endless Source of Love

I am just back after visiting my kids and grandsons. The best trip ever! I had not seen them in 3 years. I feel a burst of energy, a strong sense of happiness, comfort, and gratitude.

Their transition into amazing adults with an immense sense of purpose and meaning makes me an even prouder mother. We message, video chat, and do whatever else to stay in touch, but what I yearned for was to spend time with them in person and share precious moments with my grandchildren.

I discovered so many more wonderful things about my 30+-year-old children. It was so refreshing to hear and learn more about their perspectives, taking values instilled in them and making them their own while pursuing and navigating their journey, and maintaining their distinct identity. Just watching them, I would get teary-eyed.

I cannot help but feel nostalgic when I recall the days when my life revolved around my children. I adore them, but I had my bad days when I would feel deep exhaustion, have fleeting thoughts of abandoning them, cleaning up their mess day after day, waiting for them to grow up, and then it was all over!

Do I long for those days? Yes, I do in very many ways and will surrender to my tiny army that once invaded the house. 

When did they grow up? What happened to the time? 

It seems like only a few years ago that they were in their twenties and I was worried if they were prepared for the hard knocks of life. I believed in them, even though it consumed my life. It is so rewarding that there is so much more to love about the person they have become.

However, nothing beats being a grandma! I feel a love unlike any other. I miss everything about my precious grandsons, including their hugs, kisses, high-fives, smiles, laughter, drawing and painting, and doling out treats. “Grandma” is music to my ears. They bring me so much joy and enrichment.

What I dreaded the most was seeing their ‘time-outs’ – not for the faint-hearted grandmas. There is no screaming, only a calm voice explaining to the child why time-out is necessary and why he needs the quiet time to calm down before returning to play. It worked like a charm!

Ahem! “Remember your discipline strategies with the children,” I hear someone say. My mind is now consumed by guilt. During utter chaos and in the trenches, I’d yell even louder than the kids, until one of them said, “Mom, you’re so loud, we can’t hear you.” That would silence me and allow me to regain control.

I must admit that I’m tickled pink thinking about when my grandsons will morph into teenagers. All I can do is assure my children that the struggles will not diminish the joy and happy moments that come with being a parent.

The most enjoyable moments were when I would sit around with my children, daughter-in-law, and son-in-law and talk about the past, their experience of life, and family history. The stories would flow and were incredible to reflect and recapture significant events in all our lives. This triggered memories, and we would connect, smile, laugh, and also talk about our share of disagreements and hurt feelings.

Other times, we were busy with endless rounds of wine tasting, barbecues in the backyard, playing family card games and board games, going on drives, watching old movies that we used to watch together, me cooking for them, and more.

I see the children are busy with their careers, taking care of the little ones, running a home, and everything else that goes on in their lives. I respect their space even more now and I just need to set my expectations and dependencies even more so now.

It is difficult to walk the fine line between interference and helping, so I must craft my words because they all perceive words differently. I do not want to intrude or nag; instead, just share my experiences. I will continue to offer them subtle advice and reminders.

All I can tell my children is to not settle for things that do not make them happy, to travel the world, to do everything they want to do, to save money, and to spend wisely. A little spontaneity is fine, but keep their decisions and actions in mind.

Love your siblings even if they say or do things that could be annoying. Nurture the relationship now, rather than waiting until later in life when it will fade away.

I understand phone silence is due to what is going on in their lives, but sometimes I need to hear, “Hello Mom……..how are you doing?”

They are an indispensable part of my life and our acceptance and care for one another create a sense of security and support.

I am glad we made more beautiful memories to last a lifetime, or should I say, until we meet again!