Stop Barking. Take the Bite!

Until a few years ago, I wasn’t aware of how fragile people who criticize others could be. So, it surprised me to see and hear them barking, whining, and asking loaded questions based on assumptions, ego, and ready to pass judgement. If only they could improve their argument instead of focusing on what they don’t want to do nor allow others to do.

I’m not here to rant and rave; instead, I’m here to share my personal experience.

Over the years, many people I’ve known and interacted with enjoy cherry-picking information and barking up the wrong tree. They have plenty of time to complain but far too little time to act.

“Barking Dogs Seldom Bite,” the saying goes. I’m not referring to dogs in the literal sense, but rather as a metaphor for someone who barks and howls with no intention of acting on it. Instead, they send out howlers with underlying tones, causing the rest of the pack to react, resulting in a chain of people snarling and growling in an attempt to reinforce the belief that binds them.

I’ve had the opportunity to work with four distinct types of people. I know ‘nit-pickers,’ who look for flaws everywhere, ‘drama-magnets,’ who set the stage on fire behind the scenes by posting scripts on social media, ‘crushers,’ who trample and crush everything in sight because they believe their personal opinions are facts, and ‘side-liners,’ who silently watch all the drama and come to you later to voice their opinion when no one is around. But unfortunately, they all appear to enjoy whining almost as much as they want doing nothing.

“Critics are men who watch a battle from a high place and then come down and shoot the survivors,” Ernest Hemingway once said.

Responsibilities are rarely placed squarely on the shoulders of one person. We are all unique individuals with opinions, and everyone will never agree on everything. However, we are more likely to be heard if we deliver criticism politely, sensitively, and with good intentions.

I’ve witnessed discussions that were nothing short of a war zone. They all arrived as good soldiers, armed with ammunition and entangled in power struggles, personal agendas, manic sarcasm, and personality conflicts. Some were motivated by negative intents, while others were driven by a desire to be productive. The verbal exchange was explosive and destructive! Criticism was at an unimaginable level, and they used it as a shield to nurture their beliefs and behaviour.

It took some time for me to understand the constant barrage and peoples’ lack of empathy and why they need to resort to criticism. However, when my worst fears were confirmed, it was eye-opening to realize that their criticism only served to reinforce who they are as a person. It was a liberating realization.

We don’t like being criticized, but we all have to deal with it in life. Unfortunately, we also tend to misunderstand a few people as being critical. They have good intentions because they genuinely respect and care about us, but they have no idea how to be more sensitive in their approach. 

I avoid people who voluntarily dispense negativity and ignite a response. However, I’m more mindful and strategic in my reaction.

When confronted with criticism or a challenge from another person, I now choose not to explode because it does not make me look or feel good about myself. I must be the stronger person and refrain from offering counter-criticism. I’m not going to let a snarky remark derail my day. I take a step back, and yes, I look at how I’m perceived, and strangely enough, it opens up new perspectives and broadens my thinking. Accepting them for who they are, is a massive weight off my mind.

To quote Tony Gaskins, “Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive, it will take their breath away.”